💥 BREAKING NEWS: Trump’s “Gold Card” citizenship pitch sparks outrage as critics slam it as a VIP lane for the ultra-rich ⚡.CT
Jimmy Kimmel opened his monologue like it was just another end-of-year news cycle… and then detonated the whole room.
First, he mocked Time’s 2025 “Person of the Year” choice—reportedly framed as a group of AI “architects”—and used it as a launchpad for the larger punchline: the people building the future might not even understand what they’re unleashing.
The jokes were sharp, but the real heat arrived when the target flipped from Silicon Valley to Washington.
Because, according to Kimmel’s setup, Trump may not have won “Person of the Year” again—yet he’s “crushing it” in one specific category: turning government into a product line.
The headline item was Trump’s new immigration pitch: a “Gold Card” pathway marketed as an express lane for wealthy foreigners. Reporting over the past year has described versions of the proposal as a pay-to-residency/citizenship concept—often framed as replacing or reworking investor-visa style routes, with price tags discussed in the multi-million-dollar range.
And yes—there is now a live site at trumpcard.gov, which outlines a “Gold Card” program structure and related fees.
Kimmel’s comedic framing was brutal: if you’re rich, you’re “the best people,” and the U.S. immigration system starts sounding like a rewards program—exclusive tiers, shiny branding, and a “skip the line” vibe. He even riffed that you’ll soon see upgrade options—“Platinum,” “Storm the Capitol One,” the whole darkly comic menu—because once you treat citizenship like merchandise, why stop at one SKU?
But the monologue didn’t stay on immigration. It swerved into the second bomb: health care.
After years of “we’ve got a plan,” Kimmel’s punchline was that Washington is suddenly acting like the due date just hit. That isn’t coming out of nowhere: a major political cliff is the scheduled expiration of the enhanced ACA premium tax credits at the end of December 2025, which analysts have warned could raise premiums for many people in 2026 unless Congress acts.
Kimmel joked that the “big idea” being floated is a one-time $1,500 check, essentially telling Americans: good luck—go shop for health care the way you’d shop for sneakers.
Then he landed the knife: Trump loves putting his name on c
Kimmel held up a real-world example tied to the FTC’s Amazon Prime refund process. The FTC has publicly explained that eligible Prime customers began receiving automatic refunds in late 2025, and that additional claims steps roll into 2026.
Kimmel’s point wasn’t the refund itself—it was the branding instinct: turn any payment into a political photo op, even if it’s coming from enforcement actions and settlements.
From there, the monologue spiraled into the “everything costs more” reality—like tariffs showing up as painful add-ons at checkout—and then hit its most chilling segment: immigration enforcement and veterans.
Kimmel referenced the case of Sae Joon Park, a Purple Heart-recipient U.S. Army veteran who left the U.S. for South Korea in June 2025 after immigration pressure, a case covered by multiple outlets and addressed in a U.S.
Senate letter to DHS. In Kimmel’s telling, a DHS hearing exchange made it feel even darker—official denial colliding with a specific name, a specific person, and a very real sacrifice.
And just when it seemed like the segment couldn’t get more chaotic, Kimmel pivoted to the latest political sideshow: MyPillow founder Mike Lindell announcing a run for Minnesota governor (2026)—a story confirmed by major news reporting on December 11, 2025.
By the end, the monologue’s thesis was clear: whether it’s “Gold Cards,” health care checks, refund branding, or headline-chasing hearings—America isn’t watching policy debates anymore.
It’s watching a government that increasingly feels like it’s being run as a series of viral pitches… with real people paying the price when the jokes stop.
